Merry Christmas from My Hmphs!

It’s Christmas morning, and my mind is reeling in the midst of a furious flurry of wrapping paper, bows and colorful tissue paper (can you recycle that stuff?). My fingers are sore from unraveling countless rubber bands and twisty ties that seem to proliferate every orifice of every toy. But it’s fun. 

I’m also getting my share of Christmas music, thanks to our local radio station. I’ve heard many of the classics – Gene Autry, the Ronnettes, Nat King Cole. But I’ve also heard a lot of stinkers. I mean, really bad. So in my Scrooge Hmph-y way, I give you the five worst Christmas renditions I’ve heard this morning:

  1. “Santa Claus is Comin’ To Town” – Lonestar. Great. The last thing I need to hear is a countrified version of Bruce Springsteen’s version, which my daughter revealed today was awful. I mean, there’s no need  for it.
  2. “Grown-Up Christmas List” – Monica. Regular readers know I have a soft spot for Amy Grant, and her version of this song is tops. Now I don’t even know who Monica is, but she butchers this song. My wife claims that they’ve been playing it nonstop this season, so I’m lucky to have heard it only once.
  3. “Wonderful Christmastime” – Paul McCartney. This is the perfect example of Paul just phoning it in during the 1970s. Unsynched vocals, several different tempos, and the most annoying synthesizers this side of Mannheim Steamroller. I just picture him with a microphone and headphones, lying in a recliner, making it up as he goes along. John once commented that Paul would make a good record “when he was frightened into it.” So true.
  4. “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” – Whitney Houston. Now there’s no doubt that Whitney has an amazing voice. Why does she need to try to prove it on this song?
  5. “Do You Hear What I Hear” – The Commodores. Why? Oh why?

Enjoy your holiday! My daughter wants to use the computer to play Webkinz.

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